Dear Christians, Stop Saying “Everything Happens for a Reason”

I spent years searching for answers, trying to find reasons that would bring an end to my pain. I thought that if I could find the cause, I could treat the condition.

By Christine Suhan

Have you ever found yourself, in the midst of unimaginable grief, pain, heartache or despair, wondering how you are going to make it through another day? Wondering where your next breath is going to come from? Your world has crumbled beneath you and you are left feeling shattered, empty and hopeless.

And then a well meaning friend or family member comes along and drops the infamous Everything happens for a reason bomb. You smile kindly and nodthats all you can do to keep yourself from punching them in the face.

You cant possibly imagine a reason for what just happened.

The more you stew about a possible reason for your pain, the angrier you become. You try desperately to make sense of a situation that wont ever make sense. You reach for answers but none come.

I spent years searching for answers, trying to find reasons that would bring an end to my pain. I thought that if I could find the cause, I could treat the condition. But what I found through years of searching, experiencing and living is that often there is no reason for why tragedy has occurred.

Sometimes bad things happen for no reason other than we are human beings having a human experience. Pain, heartache, grief, loss, disease and death are inevitable parts of the human experience.

We hear people say Life dealt me a crappy hand as if pain and hardships are not the norm. We assume that life is supposed to be easy and when things dont go our way, we feel like we have been wronged. Human beings seem to have an innate sense of entitlement. We think that we are owed a pain-free existence.

But the truth is that human beings are not exempt from the human experience. And struggle is an innate part of the human experience. None of us are exceptions to this rule. We all struggle. We all suffer. We all experience pain, heartache and loss. And sometimes, theres just no reason other than we are human and pain is a part of the process.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who was struggling to find peace with Gods plan for her life including the recent death of a loved one.

How could this possibly be Gods will? she asked.

Heres what Ive come to know about Gods will:

Gods will is not the path we walk, but rather how we walk the path.

Gods plan is never for someone to have cancer. Gods will is not for an innocent child to be brutally murdered. Gods will is not for a teenage girl to be raped. Gods will is not chronic pain, illness, disability or death.

Gods will is not an event that happens to us, its how we respond to what happens.

Gods will for us is to walk with Him through the cancer. Through the abuse. Through the death. Through the illness. Gods will is for us to draw close to him in the midst of pain. Gods will is for us to use our painful life events to carry his message of hope, grace, forgiveness and mercy.

Gods plan was never for pain to be part of the human experience. His plan was for us to live in peace and harmony with Him. The human experience became painful when sin entered the world. Our own free will weaved threads of tragedy, loss, heartache and pain into the human experience.

God is not responsible for our pain. We are not responsible for our pain. What happened in the Garden of Eden is responsible for the human condition. And the human condition is hard wired for pain and suffering. God is not causing us to hurt. He is hurting with us. What we do with our hurt is what matters. How we handle tragedy is what brings purpose into our pain.

Theres hardly ever a justifiable reason for the bad things that happen in life. Tragic loss is not laced with inherent specs of good. I used to get so mad when people would say, You can find good in every situation. Thats just not true. There was nothing good about being raped. There is no good in murder or abuse. We have to create the good. We have to choose to respond in a way that brings good into an impossible situation. We have to choose to give purpose and meaning to our suffering.

Not everything happens for a reason. But in everything that happens, there can be a reason to bring hope and healing to others. God can use our pain for a greater good if we choose to let Him in.

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